Define "Tailgating"

Disclaimer: hat only valid until 1pm on game days.

First off, when the 49ers said they would address their safety issues, I don't think trading Taylor Mays was what anybody had in mind. That's a real nice 2nd-round pick you made there, Trent Baalke.

And now, on to the problem at hand....

Lil' Jed's knee-jerk reaction to the fan violence at Candlestick Park last Saturday was to suggest an 18-game regular season. Needless to say, this suggestion was met with sharp criticism by local media and fans alike.

Once the 49ers turned their attention to proactively preventing a repeat of this scene occurring again at the stadium, they decided to ban tailgating during and after the games, seemingly unaware at the slippery slope they're now teetering on.

I think it's a good thing to restrict the activities of the lowlifes attending Niner games who don't have the common sense to monitor their own alcohol/drug intake. These are the same idiots who pose a threat to general society anywhere they go, regardless of circumstances.

But let's take a look at the tailgating situation as a whole, shall we?

True story - prior to the 1981 season, we would frequently leave our house in San Bruno 30 minutes prior to kickoff and still be able to get into the gates while the anthem was being sung. Even when the team started winning Super Bowls, we never felt the need to get out to the stadium more than an hour or two prior to the start time, because there were plenty of adjacent lots along the road leading into the facility. All we needed was enough time to hang out in the lot and eat a couple of sandwiches before heading into the stadium.

Once the adjacent dirt lots along the waterfront were converted into a public park, the demand for parking spaces began to exceed the amount of stalls available. Over time, as more and more parking spaces were converted into apartments, condos and office buildings, it became necessary to arrive earlier and earlier, thus leading to more elaborate and lengthy tailgating. We never wanted to tailgate that much, but if you didn't want to use public transportation to get to the game (nobody really wants to use public transportation in California unless you are living in the city), you had no choice but to arrive several hours early to get a decent parking space.

Flash forward to the parking situation today. Even with a main lot parking pass, you still need to arrive early - the 49ers themselves suggest that you are inside the stadium itself 75 minutes prior to kickoff (conveniently, that's 75 more minutes of fans purchasing products at the concession stands). The only thing worse than navigating your way into your parking space (which is just wide enough for a Mini Cooper or motorcycle), is trying to get out of the lots and onto the freeway, where it's not uncommon to be stuck in traffic for at least an hour after the game.

To avoid this mess after the game, fans typically do one of two things:

1) Leave before the game ends (which, in recent seasons has often been halftime), or
2) Hang out in the lot and wait for the traffic to disperse while firing up the grill, munch on some snacks and toss the football around

With this new policy, the 49ers are putting fans into a tough position after the games. They are basically telling them to get in their cars, and sit through a traffic nightmare. Sounds like another kick in the nuts to their loyal customers.

And that's where we have a problem.

There is no way any clear-thinking fan is going stay until the final whistle and then head straight to their car and sit through an hour or more of traffic while inching their way out of the parking lot. Nobody would willingly sign up for that level of Hell. If I decide to hang outside my car (that I can't move, anyways) and eat a sandwich, drink a soda or chat with my friends about the game, is that considered "tailgating?" Am I breaking the rules? What happens if I break the rules - do I get sent inside my car? Aside from doing keg stands while lighting up a joint, who's to tell me what I should be doing while I wait for the traffic to subside? One man's definition of "tailgating" is another man's definition of "passing the time."

Here's another hypothetical (and very likely) situation - what if a fan decides he may have had one too many at the game and wants to chill out for an hour or so before making the drive home? What happens then? Or what if fans are waiting for the rest of their crew, who may be involved in some other post-game activity or at the stadium club, to show up at the car? Are they supposed to sit still inside their vehicles? What if they weren't the driver and don't have keys to the car?

The Niners have opened up another can of worms and are shoving the contents down their customers' throats. And if their solution to preventing post-game tailgating is to somehow solve the traffic situation after the game (a best-case scenario), then to hell with them for not providing this fix 20 years ago.

Every day, my decision not to renew my season tickets is looking better and better.